I’d reccomend you read my last post: “This Happened to My Friend” before reading this one, because it is a continuation. I swear to god this is completely true. I have not edited this at all to make it more wild.

Marriage

Ok, so guess what? You know that girl that was into chow? I was just informed of a couple extremely interesting, twisted facts.

She’s eighteen for one. Which makes what she did illegal, but that’s minor compared to the next thing.

She’s fucking married.

Yeah, that’s right! She got engaged to her pothead boyfriend at seventeen and a half. Her parents consented to this crap too. So not only did she try to commit statutory, she also cheated on her husband. Remember Tool? He’s made out with her while her husband was in the other goddamn room. Chow has too.

Chow is now determined to bone this girl. Can you imagine the stories he could tell his kids? Grandkids? Haha, well hopefully not his kids. But that’s a damn good story.

Anyways, what can we draw from all of this? Who the hell knows! That is some crazy wacked out shit. Oh- oh wait I know. We can draw that the girl is mentally unstable.

This happened to my friend, no joke. No names to be used here, just know that I’ve know the guy nearly my entire life and he told me the unadulterated story.

This happened to my friend.

So my friend, we’ll call him “Chow”, has another friend who we’ll call “Tool”. I’ve met Tool a couple times and he rightly deserves this name. He’s sort of a lost cause, and I don’t want to seem too harsh because he’s extremely nice – but this is the unadulterated story.

Tool apparently has some sort of creepy girl that has been hitting on him(on the other hand he might not be that much of a lost cause if he can attract girls) and he invites her over along with Chow.  Tool and Chow true to their values get completely smashed. I think it was rum since Tool had a large stock of that. The girl remains completely sober.

Tool then proceeds to wander outside the house for a couple seconds and the girl locks him out of his own house. So Tool is stuck in the yard looking in through a glass door. He starts banging the door to get in. I think Chow actually does let him in, but the idiot wanders to the back again and gets locked out for a second time by the girl. So for the second time Tool is looking through the glass and banging on it. The idiot didn’t learn the first time and got locked out of his own house.

Chow is smashed and has a hard time standing up, but he does and the girl knocks him back on to the couch. And they start making out right in front of Tool. This eventually moves to the bedroom and clothes come off. Tool is still frantically trying to get in from the outside.

Chow and the girl get at it. Chow maintains that he didn’t penetrate but I don’t know if I believe him. I know that they are set up to meet and this time definitely have *ahem* relations (again?) soon though.

The punch line to this story is that Tool and the girl made out a little while ago and Tool was elated, he’s seventeen years of age and that was his first kiss. He wanted that girl bad.

Yes, I was shocked that I had a stalker too! But it seems that my natural good looks have struck yet another helpless female crazy.

My Stalker:

I was at one of the various places that my friends and I frequent and I noticed this girl was checking me out. She comes up to me and I talk to her for a max of two minutes. At the end of this interaction we exchange numbers and she says she has to go.

Not ten minutes later I receive a text message from her. She wants to know where I live and what school I go to. I tell her this information because I am a sucker for pretty girls. It was completely accurate(this is a bad move). I arrive home some time later and forget about it.

The next day I wake up and check my phone and what do you know? I have a text message “Good Morning” is all that it says, it is from the girl I met yesterday. Surprised, but knowing that this girl wants my nuts really bad, I feel I can use this to my advantage. However, I’m tired and do not respond.

I actually forget about her for a while. Although, I still receive messages from her around two to three times a week. More often than not I do not respond.

Sometime the next month she calls me and tells me she drove to my town for the evening and “made her parents not give her a curfew”. This is fairly creepy. I respond and say I am much too tired to do anything this evening, but ask her if I can call one of my friends for her. She responds with a “No, I only want to see you.”

The calls don’t stop. She continually offers to pay for my gas to come see her while her parents are out. I continually make excuses to justify the fact that I “can’t” see her.

The most creepy thing is that I have only seen this girl for two minutes in my entire life. I believe I am going to block her number.

Unfortunately I did not get to crash the party across the street last night, on the plus side I suppose this saves my reputation in the neighborhood. In general last night was pretty boring, I went to the gym for a couple hours later in the night and managed to avoid the usual marauding presence of gay old men walking naked hips thrust outward in the locker room. I got a good workout, but last night is not worth talking about. Instead I’ll tell a story about some crazy stuff that happened this summer.

Boston/Halifax Trip ‘07

Airport to Maine: Nothing of note. Maine is one of the most boring places I’ve ever been. It was just a bunch of rural houses and tourist trap crapholes. There were also immense hordes of old people gathered to watch boring sailing ships – whatever floats your boat. (Cue drum + cymbals)

Halifax: We’re here to visit my relatives, so we drive to their house. My cousin knows of a party going on nearby – immediately we ditch the adults.

The party is alright, much drinking is going on. Plus there are a surprisingly decent amount of good looking girls. My brother and I are instantly celebrities when they learn we’re from Southern California. If my memory serves me well huge masses of people gather around us and ask us stupid questions. I’m the life of the party, damn straight.

There were stupid questions of all stripes but I remember one in particular.

Girl – “Have you ever partied with Paris Hilton?”

Me – “I’d shoot myself if they let that girl into the parties I go to.”

Girl – “What about any other celebrities?”

Me – “Oh you know, me and Snoop Dogg hang on the occasion.”

I think she believed me. I really think she did.

I return to the lake house we are staying at thoroughly fulfilled – let your imagination run wild.

The next day I wake up and experience a trip to the mall with my cousin and his friends. This involves opening the van doors on the freeway, some one loosing a shoe out said door, some one almost falling out said door, and some poor kid getting beaten up. Also a heated argument about whether or not the driver has the authority to make us listen to Fall Out Boy. I buy some cool stuff at the mall because I have a bunch of money saved for the trip. We return home and my cousin heads off to another party, I don’t go because I am tired from the drive up the previous night. I should have gone because I would be a celebrity again, but I was too tired – it’s kind of like having paparazzi follow you.

The following day my cousin has to leave to compete in his sport(don’t want to reveal information). So I head downstairs to hang out with my other cousin, she’s watching T.V. I find out she intends to go to a massive concert today. Daughtry, Nickelback, Hedley, State of Shock, Default and Finger Eleven are going to play. Well seeing as I’m a fan of those bands I definitely go with her, the best part is that I don’t even have to pay(my Aunt who is awesome pays for me). When we get there we cut the line where her friends are at – her friends are six good looking girls, this is getting better by the minute.

Naturally, we sprint full speed to the front of the stage where we spend the next nine hours listening to awesome bands. There is so much weed at the concert that it is affecting me, Nickelback even comments on the massive amounts of weed that they smell. Eventually we leave and wander around downtown, visiting various shops and then get on a ferry to the carnival at the other side of town. There we meet up with some other kids, and I am able to make many friends expounding how awesome California is. That is because everyone knows California is epic. I also piss off this one girl when I say that girls in California are prettier than here.

I can’t ever tell a lie!

We plan to take the bus back home, and on the way we encounter this guy who we start talking to. He then narrowly misses bumping into this poser-gangster black kid. The stupid kid starts to talk a lot of shit and I am fully prepared to beat the shit out of him. He’s obviously a complete pussy, he lives in Canada and I thus know he is not a gangster or packing anything. But luckily for him he backs off.

We manage to make it home and the girls sleep over. I’ll let your imagination run wild. Honestly, nothing happened – unfortunately.

Boston: Basically we go see all the things that tourists in Boston see. It wasn’t all too eventful, I was looking forward to the Fourth of July fireworks but from where we and about two hundred other people were watching trees were blocking the view. Yes, two hundred people actually sat for two hours and looked at trees.

So that was my story, hope it entertained you. I know I’ll post some more stories in the next couple days but that should get it started off well. Oh, I’m excited for Nightmare Before Xmas at Cox Arena on Dec.9 should be an awesome concert.

This is going to be a poor introduction, but at least I won’t keep you up all night reading my riveting writing.

I’m a junior in high school in beautiful southern California; that place you dream of living with all the gorgeous girls, bikinis and great weather. You know that place right? Ok- Ok stop drooling, its not my fault that you live in North Dakota.

This is not going to be a whiny, emo, I cut myself at night, mommy hates me, daddy hits me kind of self involved blog. If I have to read one more piece on how some kid and his girlfriend of two months broke up, it might be necessary to institute me. So, of course, I’m not going to cause you similar amounts of brain damage. I’m only going to write about interesting things. I know that’s ambiguous as hell, but my friends tell me I tell pretty good stories.

Half of the people just leave – No one cares about some high school kid.

But really, stick around. It’ll be a funny, nostalgia filled trip through the random stuff that happens in Southern California. Either that or you can go cow tipping. I mean really, in Arkansas do you have a lot of options?

Wish I could continue to elaborate upon the virtues of living in a state or country where it is not normal to marry some one you are related to(that was cold!), but I have to go – Gym and then to a party.

I didn’t even know until tonight that a girl my age lived across the street from me! Even better is that she’s turning eighteen! I definitely have to crash that thing, I’ll tell you how it goes.